Humor
A blonde is speeding down a freeway when she is stopped by a highway patrol officer.
The officer asks if he can see her driver's license.
The blonde replies angrily, "I wish you guys would make up your minds!
Just yesterday one of you took away my license, and now today you expect me to show it to you!"
A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses. The Doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering up the right eye.
The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which, that the eye doctor, in disgust, took a paper lunch bag, cut a hole in it to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked the blond to then read the letters.
As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face.
"Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting Glasses."
"I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames."
A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad Hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it To a repair shop.
The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun with her. He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into the tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out, but it wasn't working.
The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "DUh!! Like Hello!! You need to roll up the windows first!"
A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000 milestone money. And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover.
The question was: "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds?
Is it: A) the condor; B) the buzzard; C) the cuckoo; or D) the vulture?"
The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline, and the woman had hoped against hope that she would not have to use it, mainly because the only friend that she knew would be home happened to be a blonde.
But the contestant had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices.
The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is C: The cuckoo."
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering that her friend was a blonde, that would seem to be the logical thing to do. On the other hand, the blonde had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded.
"I need an answer," said the host.
Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."
"Is that your final answer?" asked the host.
"Yes, that is my final answer." replied the contestant.
The host said: " That answer is.........absolutely correct !! You are now a Millionaire!"
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.
"Jenny, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant. "Because of your knowing the answer to that final question, I am now a millionaire. And do you want to know something? It was the assuredness with which you answered the question that convinced me to go with your choice. By the way--- how did you happen to know the right answer?"
"Oh, come on !" said the blonde. "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks !"
One winter morning a couple was listening to the radio over breakfast. They hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street,so the snowplows can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again.
The next week they ! are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park ......" Then the power goes out. Norman's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"
With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Norman says ... "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
The officer asks if he can see her driver's license.
The blonde replies angrily, "I wish you guys would make up your minds!
Just yesterday one of you took away my license, and now today you expect me to show it to you!"
A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses. The Doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering up the right eye.
The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which, that the eye doctor, in disgust, took a paper lunch bag, cut a hole in it to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked the blond to then read the letters.
As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face.
"Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting Glasses."
"I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames."
A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad Hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it To a repair shop.
The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun with her. He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into the tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out, but it wasn't working.
The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "DUh!! Like Hello!! You need to roll up the windows first!"
A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000 milestone money. And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover.
The question was: "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds?
Is it: A) the condor; B) the buzzard; C) the cuckoo; or D) the vulture?"
The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline, and the woman had hoped against hope that she would not have to use it, mainly because the only friend that she knew would be home happened to be a blonde.
But the contestant had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices.
The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is C: The cuckoo."
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering that her friend was a blonde, that would seem to be the logical thing to do. On the other hand, the blonde had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded.
"I need an answer," said the host.
Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."
"Is that your final answer?" asked the host.
"Yes, that is my final answer." replied the contestant.
The host said: " That answer is.........absolutely correct !! You are now a Millionaire!"
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.
"Jenny, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant. "Because of your knowing the answer to that final question, I am now a millionaire. And do you want to know something? It was the assuredness with which you answered the question that convinced me to go with your choice. By the way--- how did you happen to know the right answer?"
"Oh, come on !" said the blonde. "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks !"
One winter morning a couple was listening to the radio over breakfast. They hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street,so the snowplows can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again.
The next week they ! are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park ......" Then the power goes out. Norman's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"
With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Norman says ... "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
